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Beau Smith: “Let’s Talk about ME!”

by beau Smith

We thought about it as kids, at least I did, and some of us may even ponder it now as adults (I do): If you could have any incredibly powers, what would they be?

I’ve seen this question asked lots of times when there is a superhero topic being batted about. as of late, I’ve even seen it tossed at actors who are playing superheroes in films and on TV. a lot of of the time I hear people say they would like to have the ability to fly. With the current state of air transportation, I can understand why a lot of folks would like to take to the skies under their own power.

Myself, I’m not first in line to get the power of flight. I’ve never been crazy about flying in a plane, and I’ve done a lot more than my share in the last 30 years. If given the opportunity to pick some powers, flying wouldn’t be it. Telepathy is another incredibly power I could really do without. You see, I have a sensitive nature and if I knew what people were really thinking about me I’m sure I’d just be crushed, or would crush them for thinking bad thoughts about me. I could see myself turning into Billy Mumy from the popular Twilight zone episode “It’s A good Life” and wishing everyone that displeased me into the cornfield. (Hmmmm….ideas and names are popping into my head.)

“Beast & Wolverine: The Power Of good Grooming.”

Even though I’m a big fan of The Sub-Mariner, I really don’t want to think of a lot of of my life being under the water. In the water is one thing, but underwater isn’t all that’s it’s cracked up to be. You can forget about me asking for the eye beam powers of Cyclops from The X-Men. That would be a pain in a lot more ways than one. speaking of The X-Men, the powers of the Beast wouldn’t be much fun either; all that shedding and grooming, nawww.

“Superman-Don’t say If Pigs could Fly around Me.”

I always see where a lot of people would like to be Superman. Well, I’d have to pass on that one as well. Overkill. too much responsibility and the need to take care of everyone. I don’t need the stress, then there’s the flying thing again. just too much power for me. same with The Hulk. just too much. It’d be terrific to be strong, but I’d miss being able to read and find pants that fit. Captain America and Batman wouldn’t be too bad, but you’d have to work out all the time to keep at the top of your game, and that could verify bothersome on my lazier days. might cut into my nap time.

“What I see in the mirror”

I kinda already have doctor Doom’s power, a big ego, so why bother with wearing that armor, looks like it would itch. The same goes for being Iron Man; I like technology and all, but again, the armor would be a pain. green Arrow, nope. It’s be amazing to have his eyesight and skill, but there’s not way I’m gonna run around dressed like a large Keebler Elf.

“Dr. Strange: What I don’t see in the mirror.”

Iceman and The Human Torch.? Nope.; too lots of lawsuits would abound with those powers. any individual that’s standing within ten feet of you would be suing you for being burnt or frozen. doctor odd has another set of powers to avoid, having to say all that mumbo jumbo, contorting your hands into all those odd Steve Ditko positions, and then there’s the wardrobe….

Mr. Fantastic…..that’s just too kinky to even think about.

“If DC Comics had It Their Way.”

Deadman. The name alone is enough to ward you off those powers. I’d even have to pass on a character I wrote for a long time, person Gardner. I’d be terrified that ten minutes into being Guy, DC would make me get a bad haircut or let Batman sucker punch me, or worse, make me a part of one of their never ending “events.”

When it comes ideal down to it, I think if I had to choose, I’d ask for a mix of powers. I’d want the powers of:

“Invisible Woman-Look but Don’t Touch!”

Invisible Woman-You could hide, sneak around, and keep people from being too close, thus making sure you didn’t get any of their crummy germs.

“Nightcrawler-Now you see me, now you don’t.”

Nightcrawler-Instead of flying, I could carry from place to place. along with the powers of undetectable Woman, I would go undetected. Not bad.

“Wolverine-Sign Me Up For Badass Powers.”

Wolverine- He can heal himself and he lives longer. That alone would be worth the bad sideburns. Being strong and having retractable claws ain’t bad either. With his powers I could transport, be invisible, and still kick people’s butts when I felt the urge.

Hmmm. I guess the way I described all of that I wouldn’t be much of a superhero, would I? I guess I’d be a semi-bad person or, a lot more honestly, a self-absorbed guy.

Gee, I don’t need incredibly powers to be that.

How about you? What powers would you want?

With much self-love,

Beau Smith

The flying Fist Ranch

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